Did you know that bike commuters have 9 different words for “asshole?”

(photo by Salim Vijri, via flickr)

My language has become, shall we say, “saltier,” since I took up commuting by bike. I like to think that I am expanding my literary horizons by thinking up new things to call the lesser attentive users of Our Fair Streets.

How have I gone for years referring to those lost souls who ride the wrong way down one way streets (usually helmetless and frequently with headphones or earbuds) as mere “assholes,” “morons,” “douchebags,” and the like.

Well, Hallelujah, I have finally learned the term “bike salmon,” thanks to another erstwhile denizen of these here fair Boston Biker parts, 100 psi. A further procrastinatory search led me to a hi-larious post by the notorious Bike Snob, which may have caused to me Literally* LOL**.

Thanks!

*I weep bitter tears anytime the word “literally” is misused, as it is so often today.

** I have many times chortled, guffawed, spit milk out my nose in laughter, and even, dare I say, laughed out loud, but I have never and shall never LOL. Nor ROTFLMAO.  I say F that S.

UPDATE 6/9/10: Dumbfuckery exemplified!

This morning I had occasion to be driving (which i do occasionally!) along a busy two-way road here in Boston, and I encountered a unique variation on the bike salmon — a helmetless rider riding against traffic in the middle of the road, i.e. between the two directions of traffic. So I guess you could say he was both riding with AND against traffic.  I would call this not a bike salmon but a Bike Schrodinger’s Cat.

I had the temerity to beep my horn (note: “beep,” not “lean on in an assholish manner) to alert him to the questionable wisdom of his choice of travel path. He then did something amazing — pretended to swerve into the path of my car with a quick swerve. Wow.

Published in:kudos, rants |on June 8th, 2010 |Comments Off on Did you know that bike commuters have 9 different words for “asshole?”

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